My favorites from Esquire’s The Best of “What I’ve Learned”:
You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and not even know it. –Jimmy Dean
Garry Shandling always said to me, “Don’t get mad, get funny.” It changed my life. –Rip Torn
Sometimes I think there’s no reason to get out of bed…then I feel wet, and I realize there is. –Homer Simpson
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. –Carrie Fisher
It’s unequivocally clear that life begins at birth and ends at death. And if most of the people on this planet understood that, they would lead their lives very differently. We always try to find religious or mysterious forces to fill in for our inadequacies, but heaven and hell are both here on earth every day, and we make our lives around them. –J. Craig Venter, molecular biologist, mapper of the human genome
I don’t gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn’t give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off. –Alex Trebek
Being a Baptist won’t keep you from sinning, but it’ll sure as hell keep you from enjoying it. –Jimmy Dean
Maybe when you die, you come before a big, bearded man on a big throne, and you say, “Is this heaven?” And he says, “Heaven? You just came from there.” –Kirk Douglas
We’re all just animals. That’s all we are, and everything else is just an elaborate justification of our instincts. That’s where music comes from. And romantic poetry. And bad novels. Sometimes when I finish a bad novel, I say, “You wrote seven hundred pages just to say that? Couldn’t you have just said, ‘I want to fuck’?” –Elvis Costello
I’m not a masochist, but I always take a cold shower in the morning. It’s a great beginning of the day, because nothing can be worse afterward. –Roman Polanski
Filed under: Interesting, Quotes
